Category Archives: People

Why choosing our state of mind is so important.

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AirNZ ATRMaybe it was the relentless dull drone of the engines, or the claustrophobic feel of the cabin. Maybe it was the absence of company or even just that my book was not riveting. Whatever it was my one hour flight to escape Palmerston North seemed to take forever. It was so painful. So boring.

After landing I disembarked the plane so quickly you would think I had been ejected. Then I begin a slow relaxing fight with the Auckland rush hour traffic back to Hamilton.

Did you catch that?

My drive home, that was in rush hour traffic, that took twice as long as normal, and even took twice as long as the flight from Palmerston, was relaxing, all because my state of mind was different. Which is bizarre because on any other day it would have been annoying.

Isn’t it scary how my ‘state of mind’ has more effect on my enjoyment of something, than the activity itself.

And my state of mind is formed by my self-talk, or what I tell myself in my brain. If I tell myself I am dreading a one hour flight, I will hate it.

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Today I turn 43, and whether I feel old or young will depend on my self talk. Will depend on my state of mind.

It doesn’t matter if its age, or kids, or family, or friendship, or sickness, or sport, or work. You get to choose your self-talk. You get to choose your state of mind.

Will you choose to have a positive a state of mind today?

Go ahead. It can be your birthday gift to me.

Why you should believe in failures like me.

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School Report Tauranga Boy CollegeI failed at school.

The best mark I received was an internally assessed A1 in School Cert science. It belonged to another student called Andrew Nichol and was whisked away as quickly as it arrived.

I left school at 17 barely able to read, average at the more complex forms of maths, but strangely very good at accounting. Despite being a “failure”, I have discovered I am actually not as dumb as the school system lead me to believe. In my adult years I taught myself to read (by reading more and more books I actually enjoy).

I have also been given incredible opportunities to lead.

To learn.

To succeed.

Why?

Because throughout my life, many incredibly courageous people have believed in me despite my failures. They were courageous because I could have crashed, failed again and tarnished their good name.

I would not be who I am today without their generosity.

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All of us have people who’ve believed in us against the odds. Therefore the implication is simple.

Who are we investing our time into, who might just succeed if we just see past their failure?

Who are you believing in against the odds?

Maybe its time you found someone.

Finally a shout out to just a few of the names I have randomly thought of as I wrote this post. Mum & Dad, Craig Jamieson, Dale Henderson, Bob Addison, Matt Ruys , Neville Stevenson, Ian Hogan, Colin Shotter, Dave Medhurst, Geoff LeCren, Glyn Gray, Jeff Smith, Bruce Thomson, Mark Thompson, Iain Hill, Jim Quinn,, Rowland Forman, Ken Frost, Campbell Forlong, Jim Grafas and of course Karina Nicol. Thank you for believing in me at various stages in my life. I am more grateful than words can express.

Being the best.

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Trae - "My Mum is the best"I was honoured to hear a friend give a talk about being the best in everything she does. She spoke of what it means to be the best in her music, as a mum, for her boys and at agoge.

Her words reminded me how striving to be the best is difficult and I was challenged about how often I settle for less. What follows are a blend of her words and mine as I contemplated what it means to be the best.
Being the best means failure, as you struggle to live up to your own expectations

Being the best means embarrassment, as you publicly stumble along the way

Being the best means getting it wrong, as you learning new ways

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Being the best takes risk

Being the best takes courage

Being the best takes sacrifice

Being the best takes faith

Being the best takes diligence

And the best of the best do all that … with humility and love.

Be the best!

We are all weird

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a_weird_backwards_photoI’m weird!

I know I’m weird because the other day I was cooking a BBQ, fooling around and using strange voices. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a neighbourhood kid in the yard steering at me with a look of part bewilderment and part horror. I asked if I was being a bit weird and she nodded slowly. “I bet your dad does weird and crazy things at home?” I inquired hoping for a favourable response.

Her face lit up as she replied “he sure does”.

“We are all weird Marama,” I replied with a smile,  ”we are all weird.” And with that she nodded and carried on playing with my kids.

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Funny isn’t it how we can behave weirdly at home, but we conform in public and at work. For some strange reason we don’t want people to know we’re weird, even though we know that everyone is a little weird.

I wonder if life wouldn’t be a little more fun and vibrant if we weren’t weird when we’re out more often. I wonder if that wouldn’t help us break down more barriers, laugh more, and enable us to not take ourselves so seriously.

We are all weird.

Therefore… do something weird today!

I dare you!

2 lessons about leadership I gleaned while being driven through Phnom Penh.

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Those of you who have travelled through parts of  Asian know how mad, crazy, radical their driving can be.


If you haven’t, watch this short video of a normal intersection at 6:30 at night.

At first we described it as ‘Organised Chaos’ and soon realised that it was best described as “Disorganised Order”. Everyone headed were they needed to go, in an orderly yet apparently disorganised way.

The drivers themselves were probably the most fascinating part of the driving experience. They’re a paradox of determination and grace. They wanted to get there first and fast, but were gracious as others pushed and squeezed their Tuk Tuk’s into gaps that moments before didn’t exist.

Disorganised Order,

and

Determination with Grace.

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Disorganised Order, you don’t see that much in business or law in New Zealand. I wonder if it isn’t the essence of being truly entrepreneurial.

and

I have met plenty of determined people, and I have the privilege of knowing a lot of gracious people. Sadly, most often the determined people are not characterised by grace.

Determined with Grace, describes the leader I would like to be.

We are all horrendous and beautiful.

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As I stood motionless at the Killing Fields, what seemed like millions of tear drops landed on my umbrella. The bleak wet day only added to my somber mood as the horror of humanity played out in my mind. Men, women, boys, girls & babies slaughtered by their fellow countrymen on a scale I will never grasp.

Looking intently at a single skull I am repulsed by humanity. This skull is just one of thousands lining the shelves, that represent up to 1.4 million murder victims in Cambodia. At the height of the killing in Cambodia I was 8 years old and I heard of how boys as young as 11 were conscripted to the Khmer Rouge to become killers. Boys then, who are now men in their forties, murderers.

It is easy to stand divorced from the moment and think we would have behaved differently.

But we all have deceived others. All been deceived.

When faced with the choice of kill, or be killed, few of us really have the strength and courage to choose anything but life.

Humanity at its core is desperately dark.

We are all horrendous.

Yet…

As I traveled Cambodia every person I saw or spoke with was beautiful.

Some had bodies disfigured in ways I have never before seen, but they are beautiful.

Our Tuk Tuk drivers, beautiful.

The beggar and her child, beautiful.

Poor children playing in the water from a good well, beautiful.

Often the stories and circumstances were heart breaking, but the people …

Beautiful.

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Only senior officials of the Khmer Rouge will be brought to justice, which means tens of thousands of murderers now live ordinary lives in Cambodia. Is it possible I met some of these killers and thought they were beautiful? Yes, and I now understand that in the right circumstance we are all capable of the horror of the Khmer Rouge. (That doesn’t make it right.)

You are capable of these things.

You are horrendous.

Yet I just think … you are beautiful.

Lesson 4 from Cambodia visit 2012: We are all capable of horrendous things and we are all beautiful people.

So the water that comes from the Well is not 100% pure?

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Mid sentence Jim exhaled an audible groan and instantly we burst into uncontrolled laughter. The groan just reflected the thoughts echoing in our heads as we bounced, banged and rocked our way along the red clay road in a remote rural area of Cambodia. Our hosts were taking us, no, bouncing us to a village where BioSand Filters where in production.

We had come to Cambodia to see the good.water wells that Good Trust had funded and our partners Samaritans Purse have installed. Once at the communities we saw the wells, turned the handles to pump water, took photos and asked questions. It was incredibly satisfying to see clean water pouring from a hand pump on a well that we had enabled. Yet after watching them pump water, they promptly poured it into these bizarre looking concrete containers that trickled forth clean drinking water.

To be honest, before seeing Bio-Sand Filters (BSFs) in action I had not appreciated the importance they played in providing clean water. I very naively thought that we put a Well in, and the water was fresh and ready to drink. It is close, and infinitely better than drinking brown dirty water directly from the rice fields, which is what they did before, however when the water is filtered through a BSF is is 99% free of the germs and ugly stuff that causes sickness.

They are awesome!

Once we arrived at the village where BSFs were being built, we saw how actively involved the community was in constructing them. SP provided the molds and materials, and the people set about building almost a 100 BSFs for each home in the area. BSFs are very low maintenance and last up to 15 years. (If you want to know more about how BSFs work click here).

And the cost of the materials to provide clean water to a household for 15 years?

$30 !

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Personally what struck me most as I left the communities we visited was not that they had clean water, but rather how incredibly fortunate we are.

To get clean water they hand-pump water, carry it back to their home and pour it through a BSF. I on the other hand not only shower in drinking water at the turn of a tap, but water my lawns with drinking water in the summer.

And, for the price of feeding my family of 5 takeaways on the odd occasion, I could provide a family with clean water for 15 years!

Lesson 2 from Cambodia visit 2012: Bio Sand Filters are awesome value and worth the investment.

2 tips for being more generous and compassionate.

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On a wet humid evening we sat outside on the bustling street corner, in the heart of the action, waiting to enjoy our meal. The restaurant we chose, our clothes and the colour of our skin screamed to the locals that we were wealthy foreigners to Phnom Penh, and almost immediately we were confronted with invitations to purchase or give. Girls the age of my daughters selling bags, young men selling books and a Mother with a young child simply begging. At first we engaged with them, then quickly learnt it was easier to ignore them and their need.

Later as we meandered along the streets we saw a young child (12 – 18 months) standing on the footpath. I glanced down to see her mother bent over a rubbish bag scavenging for food. As I walked past I realised it was the women who had begged from us at dinner. The woman and child I had ignored. I returned and gave her some money, she thanked me, and went back to scavenging in the rubbish.

I learnt some lessons that evening, learnings that have implications beyond the poverty encountered in Cambodia.

We must be prepared to give:
When I hit Cambodia I hadn’t formed this thinking, which meant each situation I encountered required me to make yes/no decisions. Soon the answer just becomes NO.

You can’t fix everything you see, so being prepared means having the forethought to know what you believe in giving to, and how much. And to whom.

This applies equally back home. Knowing what we will give to, helps when people knock on the door or telemarketers call. Importantly knowing what you believe in giving to, means you will give. If you’re not prepared the answer quickly becomes NO.

We must be ready to give:
If being prepared is a state of mind, then being ready is practical. For us it meant having small amounts of money available for donations. Whether running in the morning or on a Tuk Tuk, we had money to give without hesitation to make a small difference.

At home, I barely ever carry money, and therefore it is significantly harder for me to give without hesitation to make a small immediate difference.

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I know a lot of people like me have a heart to give, to be compassionate and yet miss opportunities. So may you prepare your hearts to know when and how you will give. And then may you be ready to give without hesitation.

May you encounter the joy of making a difference.

Lesson 1 from Cambodia visit 2012: Being prepared to give.

Creating a personal strategy to help you achieve your dream and goals.

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GoalsOne of the funny things about returning from annual leave is that I often have this utopic desire to live a more purposeful life. I guess the relaxation, uninterrupted time with family and the space to think, lead me to want to create more of those spaces in my normal life.

Recently after returning from leave I realised that in our business we have strategies to move us towards our vision and these strategies help us choose the right actions.

In my personal life however, I had never put strategies in place and this needed to change.

Understanding the difference between vision and strategy and actions can be difficult so here is a personal example.

  • Vision is your dream or long-term goals. One of my visions is to “be a person of influence” (hopefully a positive one).
  • Strategy is a high level way of getting to your vision. My current strategies for increasing influence are “connecting with 4 people each week” and “writing weekly”.
  • Actions are the things you do each week to get that align to your strategy. My actions are appointments I have with people and time I actually spend writing.

The truth is I haven’t written each week and I haven’t met with 4 people each week. But, I have written more and connected with more people each week. I also track how I am going in my personal weekly check list which I review in my weekly review (this is the key to not forgetting it).

And even though I don’t achieve it each week, my influence is growing, and I am meeting and connecting with more people, which is energizing me and making me a better person.

Most importantly each week is deliberately better than it would be without them.

So what will your strategies be?

If you would like to see my current strategies, I have posted them at outward.me.

We are all artists

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My 10 year old checking out her art at the HeART Expo. She is a true artist.

Recently I was sitting in a group of maybe 200 people who were asked if they were artists, and only four people raised their hand.

I was one of the four ‘artists’ who put their hand up. Can I paint or sculpt or dance? No, not at all. Yet I am an artist, because at the core of art is creativity.

An artist creates.

And almost everyone I have ever met is creative in someway. Sure, some paint and sculpt and dance, but most creative people, most artists I meet do nothing like that. Most create in other ways like taking home photos or cooking their favourite food. Some create by making practical things from metal or wood. Others create by raising amazing kids. Some even create using spreadsheets.

In my heart of hearts I believe we are all artists. I believe we are all created to create. And when we create, we should pause for a moment to enjoy our creation. Our Art.

You create things, therefore…

You are an artist.

Enjoy.