Category Archives: Looking Back

Why you should believe in failures like me.

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School Report Tauranga Boy CollegeI failed at school.

The best mark I received was an internally assessed A1 in School Cert science. It belonged to another student called Andrew Nichol and was whisked away as quickly as it arrived.

I left school at 17 barely able to read, average at the more complex forms of maths, but strangely very good at accounting. Despite being a “failure”, I have discovered I am actually not as dumb as the school system lead me to believe. In my adult years I taught myself to read (by reading more and more books I actually enjoy).

I have also been given incredible opportunities to lead.

To learn.

To succeed.

Why?

Because throughout my life, many incredibly courageous people have believed in me despite my failures. They were courageous because I could have crashed, failed again and tarnished their good name.

I would not be who I am today without their generosity.

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All of us have people who’ve believed in us against the odds. Therefore the implication is simple.

Who are we investing our time into, who might just succeed if we just see past their failure?

Who are you believing in against the odds?

Maybe its time you found someone.

Finally a shout out to just a few of the names I have randomly thought of as I wrote this post. Mum & Dad, Craig Jamieson, Dale Henderson, Bob Addison, Matt Ruys , Neville Stevenson, Ian Hogan, Colin Shotter, Dave Medhurst, Geoff LeCren, Glyn Gray, Jeff Smith, Bruce Thomson, Mark Thompson, Iain Hill, Jim Quinn,, Rowland Forman, Ken Frost, Campbell Forlong, Jim Grafas and of course Karina Nicol. Thank you for believing in me at various stages in my life. I am more grateful than words can express.

We are all horrendous and beautiful.

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As I stood motionless at the Killing Fields, what seemed like millions of tear drops landed on my umbrella. The bleak wet day only added to my somber mood as the horror of humanity played out in my mind. Men, women, boys, girls & babies slaughtered by their fellow countrymen on a scale I will never grasp.

Looking intently at a single skull I am repulsed by humanity. This skull is just one of thousands lining the shelves, that represent up to 1.4 million murder victims in Cambodia. At the height of the killing in Cambodia I was 8 years old and I heard of how boys as young as 11 were conscripted to the Khmer Rouge to become killers. Boys then, who are now men in their forties, murderers.

It is easy to stand divorced from the moment and think we would have behaved differently.

But we all have deceived others. All been deceived.

When faced with the choice of kill, or be killed, few of us really have the strength and courage to choose anything but life.

Humanity at its core is desperately dark.

We are all horrendous.

Yet…

As I traveled Cambodia every person I saw or spoke with was beautiful.

Some had bodies disfigured in ways I have never before seen, but they are beautiful.

Our Tuk Tuk drivers, beautiful.

The beggar and her child, beautiful.

Poor children playing in the water from a good well, beautiful.

Often the stories and circumstances were heart breaking, but the people …

Beautiful.

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Only senior officials of the Khmer Rouge will be brought to justice, which means tens of thousands of murderers now live ordinary lives in Cambodia. Is it possible I met some of these killers and thought they were beautiful? Yes, and I now understand that in the right circumstance we are all capable of the horror of the Khmer Rouge. (That doesn’t make it right.)

You are capable of these things.

You are horrendous.

Yet I just think … you are beautiful.

Lesson 4 from Cambodia visit 2012: We are all capable of horrendous things and we are all beautiful people.

So the water that comes from the Well is not 100% pure?

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Mid sentence Jim exhaled an audible groan and instantly we burst into uncontrolled laughter. The groan just reflected the thoughts echoing in our heads as we bounced, banged and rocked our way along the red clay road in a remote rural area of Cambodia. Our hosts were taking us, no, bouncing us to a village where BioSand Filters where in production.

We had come to Cambodia to see the good.water wells that Good Trust had funded and our partners Samaritans Purse have installed. Once at the communities we saw the wells, turned the handles to pump water, took photos and asked questions. It was incredibly satisfying to see clean water pouring from a hand pump on a well that we had enabled. Yet after watching them pump water, they promptly poured it into these bizarre looking concrete containers that trickled forth clean drinking water.

To be honest, before seeing Bio-Sand Filters (BSFs) in action I had not appreciated the importance they played in providing clean water. I very naively thought that we put a Well in, and the water was fresh and ready to drink. It is close, and infinitely better than drinking brown dirty water directly from the rice fields, which is what they did before, however when the water is filtered through a BSF is is 99% free of the germs and ugly stuff that causes sickness.

They are awesome!

Once we arrived at the village where BSFs were being built, we saw how actively involved the community was in constructing them. SP provided the molds and materials, and the people set about building almost a 100 BSFs for each home in the area. BSFs are very low maintenance and last up to 15 years. (If you want to know more about how BSFs work click here).

And the cost of the materials to provide clean water to a household for 15 years?

$30 !

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Personally what struck me most as I left the communities we visited was not that they had clean water, but rather how incredibly fortunate we are.

To get clean water they hand-pump water, carry it back to their home and pour it through a BSF. I on the other hand not only shower in drinking water at the turn of a tap, but water my lawns with drinking water in the summer.

And, for the price of feeding my family of 5 takeaways on the odd occasion, I could provide a family with clean water for 15 years!

Lesson 2 from Cambodia visit 2012: Bio Sand Filters are awesome value and worth the investment.

2 tips for being more generous and compassionate.

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On a wet humid evening we sat outside on the bustling street corner, in the heart of the action, waiting to enjoy our meal. The restaurant we chose, our clothes and the colour of our skin screamed to the locals that we were wealthy foreigners to Phnom Penh, and almost immediately we were confronted with invitations to purchase or give. Girls the age of my daughters selling bags, young men selling books and a Mother with a young child simply begging. At first we engaged with them, then quickly learnt it was easier to ignore them and their need.

Later as we meandered along the streets we saw a young child (12 – 18 months) standing on the footpath. I glanced down to see her mother bent over a rubbish bag scavenging for food. As I walked past I realised it was the women who had begged from us at dinner. The woman and child I had ignored. I returned and gave her some money, she thanked me, and went back to scavenging in the rubbish.

I learnt some lessons that evening, learnings that have implications beyond the poverty encountered in Cambodia.

We must be prepared to give:
When I hit Cambodia I hadn’t formed this thinking, which meant each situation I encountered required me to make yes/no decisions. Soon the answer just becomes NO.

You can’t fix everything you see, so being prepared means having the forethought to know what you believe in giving to, and how much. And to whom.

This applies equally back home. Knowing what we will give to, helps when people knock on the door or telemarketers call. Importantly knowing what you believe in giving to, means you will give. If you’re not prepared the answer quickly becomes NO.

We must be ready to give:
If being prepared is a state of mind, then being ready is practical. For us it meant having small amounts of money available for donations. Whether running in the morning or on a Tuk Tuk, we had money to give without hesitation to make a small difference.

At home, I barely ever carry money, and therefore it is significantly harder for me to give without hesitation to make a small immediate difference.

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I know a lot of people like me have a heart to give, to be compassionate and yet miss opportunities. So may you prepare your hearts to know when and how you will give. And then may you be ready to give without hesitation.

May you encounter the joy of making a difference.

Lesson 1 from Cambodia visit 2012: Being prepared to give.

Learning to be decisive and the two things that stop me.

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After more than 10 years my picture of the moment is more like a bird’s eye view, than sitting in the seat of the car I was driving. From up above I remember the exact place I was parked on the motorway on-ramp, while waiting to converge with the peak hour traffic. I remember the car, the weather and my mood.

Most importantly I remember the conclusion of my self-talk.

“I will make a decision within 24 hours if I have all the information I need, or I will request more information”

It was a decision to be decisive. A resolve not to be a bottleneck. A drive to allow people to move forward with their jobs and projects, quickly and effectively.

It was a verdict against indecisiveness.

Over my years I have often seen very intelligent managers rendered almost ineffective as leaders, because they cannot make decisions.

It would be great if I could tell you I always make decisions quickly, but I falter and generally there are two reasons I’m not decisive;

  1. I fool myself into believing I must have 99.99% certainty before making the call, which I barely ever get, so I sit on it.  Over think it. And wait … and wait.
  2. I know the decision that needs to be made, but it is hard. It involves hard conversations that people might not like. People might not like me. So I do nothing.

In both cases, my indecisiveness annoys the people I work with, and cripples the organisation I am trying to lead.

To be sure being decisive has risk. Making a decision with only 60% of the information can mean you get it wrong. It can cost money. It can make you look bad. Really bad!

But from my experience, you also make a heap more good decisions than bad. And the good decisions seem to out multiply the bad.

When I left the job I had at the time, two of my team independently told me I was the most decisive manager they ever had.

Of course being decisive applies to every area of our lives.

The implication; decide to be decisive.

Impatience that leads to frustration!

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Photo
I was excited at getting home earlier, relaxing and finally ending a long day of travel. I was “lucky” enough to get moved to a flight that was due to leave Wellington an hour earlier than my original flight. I was homeward bound.

As I waited for my boarding call I noticed the “early” flight was delayed.

Then delayed again. And again.

We board, wait for missing passengers and finally we taxi out, then accelerate down the runway. As we get airborne I glance out the window to see my original flight taxiing out. “So much for earlier” I thought. And being the competitive person I am, checked the relative speed of the two aircraft and determined I would still be in 5 minutes earlier.

Not so. The weather started to turn and our pilots weaved around a lightning storm. My “early” flight finally landed 25 minutes AFTER my original flight, which somehow managed to fly directly to Hamilton.

Talk about frustrating.

I got home frustrated, tired and late. Maybe even a little bit grumpy.

The next morning I was following this truck. “Impatience leads to frustration” it inaudibly shouts. I guess it can be easy to be impatient behind a slow truck. The more impatient we become, the more frustrated we become.

Impatience leads to frustration.

Impatience on delayed flights.

Impatience while waiting our turn.

Impatience with your computer, or kids, or wife, or staff.

Impatience then frustration. And frustration causes us to forget just how lucky we are.

Like my trip from Hamilton to Christchurch to Wellington to Hamilton in a day. It’s incredible I can do all that in a day. And I get frustrated because I arrived home 25 minutes late.

I was impatient, then frustrated, for no good reason.

 

230 |365 Measuring Time

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230 Measuring TimeMoses once wrote ‘Teach us to number our days so that we may present to you a heart of wisdom’.
 
It’s almost as if he is saying we need to measure our time. Nowadays we measure almost everything, our bank balance, our speed, our weight, or our kids performance.
 
Yet we don’t measure our time to see if we are using it well. We rarely look back and make sure we are making the most of time.
 
At the moment, indirectly through 365, I am measuring time. It has been around 60% of the year since I began the 365 project. That’s 230 days or close to 20 million seconds.
 
Seeing how fast time is going, seeing pictures from 2 months ago, that feel like yesterday is really scary.

And a good reminder!

183 | 365 Halfway Number 2

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Day183.jpgYou may have heard that it takes 40 days to make a habit, or 28 days or some other iterative. Wrong, wrong and wrong again.
 
Between yesterday and today I am halfway through 365. I missed one day in 183 days, which for me is amazing. The only other things I have done for 183 days straight in my life, is get up, eat and breathe.
 
For me after about 50 days, remembering to take the photo became a habitual, but actually taking the photo requires another step up in discipline again. For example, it was a mission to make it to 100, and today’s photo is because I remembered, not because I had a flash of creativity.
 
I am learning about habits and discipline. Disciplines like going to the gym, running, reading, studying or quiet times. For me it takes about 30 – 50 days for the thought process to become habitual, to become ingrained as a priority in my life.
 
But every time, every single time, I still need to choose to take action, to step out and run, or do my quiet time, or take a photo.
 
If you think I have the habit thing sorted out, I don’t. It’s like today’s shot on my drive to Tauranga. The glare from driving into the sun, the dirty window, makes my view lack clarity. Same for my knowledge of just about everything.

[183 | 365 ‘Halfway #2’ - Down the Kaimai’s driving into the sun, behind a slow truck]

182 | 365 Halfway Number 1

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Day182.jpgSomewhere between today and tomorrow I am halfway through project 365, which is taking a picture each day for 365 days.
 
Looking back and ahead, I think I would like to take more people shots because they show more of life than objects, or candles, or coffee drops. If I do this, it will take another level of discipline again because I will need to go looking for interesting people shots.
 
Speaking of interesting people, today I was online on Skype waiting for a call that never came, but then my friend Steve gave me a call.
 
The first thing Steve did was encourage me, it just rolls off his tongue honestly and naturally. He has this incredible ability to build people up and I am often reminded by Steve’s actions how important that is.
 
I’m reminded today that life is about people.
 
[182 | 365 – ‘Halfway #1’ – Steve the encourager and a reminder how much I love technology]